


Send Me Your Love Letter Via Arrow

by FallacyFallacy



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Love is hard for idols, M/M, Matchmaker Kaoru Hakaze, Mentions of homophobia, Miscommunication, POV Outsider, The Kaoru/Anzu is PROBABLY unrequited but who knows??, Various others mentioned but don't speak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27524185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallacyFallacy/pseuds/FallacyFallacy
Summary: In which Souma makes an astonishing confession, Kanata runs away, and Kaoru finds himself playing detective.Or cupid. For Souma-kun’s sake, he hopes he’s playing cupid.
Relationships: Anzu/Hakaze Kaoru, Kanzaki Souma/Shinkai Kanata
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Send Me Your Love Letter Via Arrow

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for brief, non-serious references to Souma's seppuku habit.

When Souma gets on a roll there’s very little that can slow him down, so when Kaoru sees Souma barrelling towards him like a cannonball as he’s sauntering over to the rooftop to eat his lunch he pretty much just braces himself for the inevitable.

But when their paths meet Souma reaches out forward, grabbing Kaoru’s arm rather than the hilt of a sword, and it becomes swiftly clear that Souma is not so much enraged as he is _panicked._

“Hakaze-dono, I am in dire need of your aid! Please, I beseech you ardently!”

“Hey, hey.” Kaoru tries to shrug off Souma’s grip but hot damn that guy ain’t budging. The sheer wildness in Souma’s eyes is pretty unnerving for all that Kaoru knows this is someone who just a few days ago offered up his life because he dropped a tea kettle. “Look, just tell me – I’m not running away, jeez.”

Souma’s lips purse, cheeks white. “You need to find Buchou-dono.”

Oh, god – he knew this was nothing. Kaoru sighs, shoulders slumping immediately. “Souma-kun, I already heard about that. Chiaki-kun asked me this morning – and I don’t know any more now than I did then. But he’s not worried about it, so it’s fine.”

“It isn’t.” Souma’s nails dig in and Kaoru glances around; some of the guys nearby are kinda giving them odd looks. Kaoru tries to perfect his ‘I’ve been taken captive by a crazy person and have no part in whatever he’s trying to do’ expression. As always, it doesn’t seem to work. “He has not attended school for two days and he is not responding to any of my messages.”

“Well, he responded to Chiaki-kun, so maybe he’s just mad at you?”

Souma’s eyes fill up with tears and Kaoru instantly feels bad.

“Uh, I was just joking, that’s probably not-”

“’Tis true.” Finally Souma releases him, but the self-conscious way he crosses his arms protectively afterwards makes Kaoru sorta prefer the crazy Souma. “I know why he is missing and it is all my fault and that is why I need you to speak to him and apologise on my behalf. I truly cannot express the sheer depths of my regret…”

Once again, Kaoru’s doubt rears its head – the dude practically broke down into tears over _tea!_ Honestly, it seems most likely that Souma just made some characteristic minor mistake and Kanata picked a bad time to put on his whole mysterious sea creature routine.

But Kanata is actually usually pretty good at responding to texts. If Souma went out of his way to contact him that way, Kaoru doesn’t think he would take it lightly.

With a sigh that distracts from the concerned knit of his brow, Kaoru pulls Souma away from the crowd and behind a nearby building.

“Okay, fine. Hit me. What is it you think you did, exactly?”

Souma jumps, then squirms.

“I…I cannot tell you.” He turns away, hair flicking in a dramatic arc behind him. “’Tis too mortifying. Please, simply confer to him my deepest apologies, and make it clear that I am prepared to take up my sword at a moment’s notice if he so wishes.”

Kaoru raises a very skeptical eyebrow.

“…so, shall I get this straight, right now? You’re asking me – disgrace of the Marine Bio Club and useless philanderer – to try and track down Kanata-kun, whereabouts currently unknown, so I can tell him you apologise for something you won’t even explain for me.”

Souma frowns deeply but doesn’t speak.

“I mean, what if he has some kind of follow-up question? Am I supposed to take it back to you? I’m sure as hell not gonna be your messenger boy.” He sighs – clearly it’s time to turn up the volume here. “I mean, really – it’s not like I actually care about any of this…? Some argument between two guys just sounds _extremely_ boring. And it’s not like you think Kanata-kun is actually in any kind of danger, sooo…”

That does it. “Please!” Souma’s eyes are wet again and geez, Kaoru knows Souma’s not some cute young junior who wants Kaoru to pat her head and tell her everything’s okay, so why does he actually want to fix this for him? “I… cannot ask this of anyone else. And, um… under the circumstances, I thought that perhaps you might…” he trails off.

Kaoru snorts. “Tell me.”

Souma’s cracking. He chews on his lip, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, and whoa, suddenly he really _does_ look like a nervous, lovestruck young maiden…?!

“I… I-I cannot bare to enumerate the particulars, but…” Souma swallows, finally blurting it out. “I have acted quite terribly untowardly on Buchou-dono!”

Kaoru stares.

_Untowardly…?_

“I-I did not approach him with the slightest intentions of doing so!” Souma insists, eyes wide. “I had merely wished to confess to him my deepest feelings of romantic affection before we were to be cruelly separated by his graduation – though Hasumi-dono and Kiryuu-dono initially advised me against it I had somehow managed to win their approval and so I intended to speak with full and naked honesty to him of my love! But, despite all my efforts, Buchou-dono still doubted my feelings somehow, and, um…”

Souma is bright, bright red. He is actually fucking serious.

“I acted with unforgivable imprioriety…” Souma shakes his head, blinking eyes no obstacle to the outpouring tears. “I lost myself in my passion and intruded upon Buchou-dono gravely… his silence makes that very clear.” He sniffs. “That is, if my confession itself was not enough to turn him away…”

Even after that mangled rambling monologue it still takes Kaoru a few seconds to wrap his brain around the situation.

Head spinning, Kaoru finally pins down the part that, honestly, shocks him the most.

“You confessed?” he repeats, incredulously. “To _another idol?!_ ”

Souma swallows and nods. “Yes. I did.”

…okay, so, if Kaoru really breaks it down, maybe this isn’t… _quite_ as impossible as it sounds. Decoding all of that Souma speak real quick, Kaoru is suddenly completely certain that Souma just, like, grabbed his hands to make a point or something. He’s never been hesitant to share personal space with another guy before, but Kaoru has also seen him get all flustered and stuffy over Anzu so much as baring her forearms and leaning in close to him, and maybe now that Kanata-kun occupies the role of love interest in Souma’s mind, those same rules apply to him?

And… if he’s entirely honest, it’s not actually that hard to believe Souma does like Kanata in _that_ kinda way. Honestly, Yumenosaki has always felt sorta weirdly full of those types…? Sakuma’s younger brother has always been the standout example for Kaoru at least, but still, it’s something Kaoru has always just preferred not to think too much about. It was easier to chalk up Souma’s gushing behaviour as him just being a really dutiful junior, but… he’d be lying if he said he’s never _wondered_ , just a touch.

But none of that means this isn’t still grade A goddamn _insane._

“You confessed,” Kaoru repeats, in the loudest stage whisper he can muster. “You – you understand that’s crazy, right?!”

Souma glares, and for the first time his pursed lips and stiff shoulders seem as much evidence of determination as of desperation.

“I did. Perhaps someone like you cannot conceive of valuing just one person so highly, but I cannot deny the stirrings of my heart, and with every beat they sing out that I love Buchou-dono.” 

He raises himself to his full height, hand to his sword, with all the bearing of a transposed protagonist from some ages-old romance. “Our history may be troubled, but over the past year he and I have only grown closer as friends and as fellows of the Marine Bio Club. In time, it became clear to me that I loved him far beyond that which those words alone could describe, and that indeed I could wish for nothing more than for he and I to be bonded together for eternity. To contain such a clear and bold truth to myself would not only be dishonest to Buchou-dono, it would undermine my love for him entirely! Those feelings impressed within me by his affection are strong and pure – I will honour them by whatever means necessary!”

By the end, Souma is breathing heavily. Kaoru lets out a long, long breath himself.

“…you really mean that, huh,” he says in a daze.

Souma glares again. “I would never lie about this.”

“No, no. I… believe you.” Kaoru runs a hand through his hair, stomach twisting. Would Anzu have been more receptive if he’d spoken to her like that?

He grits his teeth but doesn’t shy away from his discomfort.

“So…” He thinks over his words carefully, deeply aware of the weight of their importance. “By confessing, you were hoping that he’d want to go out with you, and you’d start dating?”

Souma jumps. As though he’s just remembered the present situation, he wilts.

“…yes, I was.”

Kaoru nods. “Even though dating is prohibited for idols.” Souma begins to speak but Kaoru holds up a hand. “And this isn’t just some kinda rule set up for the hell of it, you know? As an idol, your audience want to be able to believe they can have you, if only as a fantasy. If you’re dating someone else, they can’t do that. And considering you’re both guys, it’d be a _super_ huge scandal. That’d impact basically everyone around you. And hell, it’s not like you’re let off if Kanata-kun turns you down, either. If someone out there finds out that you felt that way, that’ll still be a huge big news story. You could deny it, but where the media’s concerned, it doesn’t really matter what you say or even if it’s true, as long as it’s plausible.”

Souma’s composure doesn’t budge an inch. “I understand. I assure you that I would never have suggested the possibility to my seniors in Akatsuki in the first place if I had not properly thought through all the possible consequences. And for what it is worth, Hasumi-dono’s lecture went on for longer than three hours, so if you are attempting to dissuade me you will have to try harder.”

“…I’m not,” Kaoru says quietly. 

Honestly? In some ways, that’s the most shocking thing of all. Ever since they first met, Kaoru thought he had Souma pegged – an overly serious guy obsessed with duty and tradition who would rather offer up his own life than inconvenience his superiors in some way. Kaoru always liked to think that, if he felt like it, he could offer the kid some good advice – help him loosen up.

But now that he thinks about it, he’s pretty sure Souma’s parents didn’t want him to be an idol, either. And now here he is.

It’s kinda discomfiting to realise that Souma’s the one who’s been going after what he wants all along.

Kaoru crosses his arms. “So, you confessed, and he didn’t believe you, and you did something bad.” Souma winces but nods. “Then he left and he’s not talking to you or explaining what’s up to anyone. And now you want me to go and tell him you’re sorry.”

Souma nods grimly. “Yes. I have made my appeal as best as I was able.” Finally, that scary intensity shifts away from Kaoru as Souma’s brows flutter and knit. “And, as Buchou-dono has made his response very clear… I must humbly admit my defeat.”

“…right.” Kaoru nods to himself again. “Okay. I’ll do it. But-”

Souma falls to the ground immediately. “I cannot thank you enough, Hakaze-dono – I am most deeply within your debt!”

“Jeez, could you get up? I said _‘but.’_ ”

“Certainly – whatever it is you desire in compensation, I will do anything I can to provide it for you!”

“I seriously don’t want that for like, a whole list of reasons… Listen to me.” He takes on as serious an expression as he’s able. “Souma-kun. Are you absolutely sure that’s the message you want me to take to him? ‘Sorry, I’ll stop bothering you now?’”

Souma doesn’t sit up yet. “Yes. Regardless of my intentions, I clearly rendered Buchou-dono deeply uncomfortable-”

“Well, yeah, sure – I still have no idea what you actually _did_ , but apologising doesn’t sound like it’d hurt. I’m talking about all that ‘accepting defeat’ stuff. Did Kanata-kun actually _say_ he didn’t like you?”

Souma hesitates. “…no. He… argued with me at length on the subject of my own feelings, but spoke nought regarding his own…” He lets out a snort. “After all this time, I had thought he felt able to open himself up to me… But, now it seems I have proven why he does not…”

“Or.” Kaoru holds up a finger. “ _Or,_ maybe there’s something else going on here. Maybe he was just shocked, or scared, or – maybe he’s never even considered the possibility of all this before and needs time to think about it! Or, I mean, it’s also possible he’s working out how to let you down gently right now – I’m not saying you’re in, yet. But you’re not _out._ ”

Finally, Souma rises from his position. “…I have no desire to badger him as you do Anzu-dono.”

That stings. Kaoru grimaces but fights the urge to lash out at him. It’s not like Souma knows what happened, and he doesn’t really feel like telling Souma about it right now. It’s beside the point.

“You won’t. All you’ve done so far is put the possibility up on the table. Don’t take it away before Kanata-kun can even answer the question. I mean, didn’t you talk about fighting for him, earlier? Are you really going to give up just because you messed up one time?”

Souma’s eyes look teary again. He swallows visibly.

“…I do not know what to do,” he admits quietly.

Kaoru smiles wanly. “Yeah. That’s fair. You’re in a really shitty and scary position right now. Anyone in your shoes would be upset. And if Kanata-kun’s not even responding to your messages, he’s obviously trying to avoid you for a while.”

Souma rubs at one eye.

It’s still a weird experience for Kaoru, seeing some junior sitting in front of him, hanging on to his every word and desperate for his help. He wonders if his siblings ever saw him that way.

“That’s why…” Kaoru takes in a deep breath. “You should leave this to me. At least right now.”

It takes Souma a moment to understand. His head raises, eyes incredibly wide.

“I’ll go track him down and apologise to him, just like you said. But, I’ll also see what I can do to smooth this out, if that’s still possible. If it isn’t, I’ll at least try and figure out why so I can let you know. But I’m not gonna let you go down just like that.”

Souma’s definitely never looked at him like this before – scared and hopeful and full of awe.

But after several long moments, his eyes finally narrow.

“…I cannot thank you deeply enough for what you are suggesting,” he says slowly, and once again Kaoru braces for what’s coming. “But…you are proposing to go far beyond what I initially asked of you. I am, I must admit, extremely perplexed…”

Well… yeah. Naturally.

He takes his time, letting the potential responses roll over him. He could be crude, maybe, and irritate Souma into wanting to get the conversation over with. He could tease him a bit about his newfound romantic interest – he knows exactly how to make the guy squirm, now, and that’d shut things down just as quickly.

But Anzu would care about this. And when he imagines how she’d feel about him making light of the situation, he can’t quite let himself bluster his way out of Souma’s questioning completely.

“It impressed me,” he says finally, uncrossing his arms. “That whole speech you gave about not giving up for him. It sorta made me realise I’d underestimated you, maybe.” He nods to himself. “And…I guess that kinda passion is just so – pure? I don’t want to undermine that, either. I can’t be the hard-working and diligent guy you are, but… in a good world, people like that should be rewarded.”

Souma watches him very carefully, eyes narrowed. But it’s a different kind of look to the typical way he scrutinises Kaoru for ulterior motives. He realises with a start that Souma is re-evaluating him, too.

“…I see.” He swallows again, eyes flickering closed. His shoulders tense as though he’s readying himself for battle. “Regardless, I could never reject your aid, whatever your reasons. Indeed, there is nought I could wish for more than I do your success.”

It’s corny, but it really sorta makes Kaoru’s heart race to see Souma’s determination.

“I am deeply, madly in love with Buchou-dono,” Souma says with more gravitas than Kaoru has garnered over his entire life. “If there is any possibility that these feelings may be met in kind, I will take hold of it with every ounce of strength I am able to muster.”

Hand at his breast, he nods at Kaoru firmly.

“My belief is that he will be at the beach this evening. At the least, if he does bear some love for me in his heart, I am certain you will find him there.”

“…all right,” Kaoru says breathlessly. “Beach. Got it.”

Kaoru had it wrong. Souma isn’t a cannonball, sent shooting off in a single direction at the hands of an impartial operator. Right now, he is a missile, laser-focused and calculating every second in pursuit of his goal.

As he strides off back towards his classroom, Kaoru looks down at his half-eaten bun and sighs.

He really hopes a hopeless, heart-broken guy like himself doesn’t fuck this up for the both of them.

*

He considers taking the afternoon off – it’s not like he can think about anything else right now – but he stays put just so he can check in with Chiaki one last time. But no matter how specific his questions get, Chiaki still can’t tell him anything new, and when Kaoru tries to subtly direct the conversation towards Kanata’s _interests_ he goes a very deep shade of red and starts talking way too loudly about ‘romance’ and ‘Ryuuseitai growing up’. The moment Sena starts sending some deeply suspicious looks their way Kaoru ollies out, throwing out Anzu’s name in the hope that they’ll think he’s desperate enough to be jealous of Kanata of all people. 

(Somehow, the conversation does end immediately. They don’t really believe Kanata and Anzu could be a thing, do they?! Not that Kaoru knows if that’s good or bad for Souma’s chances…)

It’s funny, but at one point he used to believe that Kanata and Chiaki told each other everything. 

As the teacher drones on about equations Kaoru really should be learning for his upcoming exams, Kaoru stares outside the window and tries to understand. Is what Souma’s aiming for even possible? When he’d confessed his feelings to Anzu, even he’d been only half-serious when he’d suggested they carry on their relationship in secret. But two guys? Does Souma even know what modern society thinks about all that? Should he have told him? Souma said that Hasumi had been pretty thorough, though…

Kaoru glances forward where the vice pres sits diligently as ever at the front of the class. He cannot fucking believe Souma convinced him to let him do this.

Like, the practicality alone is such an insurmountable obstacle. They wouldn’t be able to go on dates or get too close or even admit how happy they are. They’d have to second guess themselves every waking moment, and if they screw up one time it could mean the death of everything they’ve worked so hard for over the last three years. Can you even call it a relationship at that point? What does it even mean to confess your feelings when _this_ is the best you could ever hope to aim for?

He’s not gonna lie – there’s a childish, bitter part of him that feels deeply offended that a relationship this doomed to fail might end up more successful than his own sincere attempt with Anzu. And maybe there’s a part that thinks it knows this’ll crash and burn, and that’s why he’s willing to play the good guy until the inevitable disaster.

But he just can’t forget Souma’s passion.

He’d really meant it. In a just world, that kind of love and devotion and ‘fuck the world, I love them’ resolve would win over the girl or guy or whoever else every time, and they’d manage to live happily ever after no matter what the rest of the world tried to tell them.

And so far this year, he’s seen enough to believe that maybe, now and then, that kind of stupidly unrealistic movie-cliche thing really does happen.

When school finishes for the day, he’s so lost in thought he forgets to skulk out before Hasumi can trap him.

“Did Kanzaki tell you?” he asks, blunt as ever, in a harsh murmur.

Kaoru nods, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah. I’m kinda the expert here, apparently…?~”

Hasumi has the look of a man who had already thought things were as bad as they were going to get only to be devastated just one last time.

“Incorrigible,” he grumbles fiercely. “God only know what he sees in either of you – I thought at least he had the sense to be wary of _you_ , but-”

“Hey, geez.” Kaoru lets his arm fall, lips thinning. “I’m actually trying to help out, here. Like, make it work.”

Hasumi continues to glare at him and for a moment Kaoru starts to wonder if he’s going to try and stop him.

Finally, Hasumi sighs. He presses his glasses into his nose, eyes shadowed. “Good. Thank you. Right now I’m entirely useless, so…” He mutters something like ‘even Kiryuu can provide absentee reports,’ then falls silent.

“…yeah, well.” Kaoru stretches out again. “It’s not like I know if I’ll do any better. Hell, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to find him.” He lets out a huff of laughter. “Geez. If he’s not at the beach, I’m going home for sure…~”

“If Kanzaki has entrusted his faith in you, I will not abide by anything less than full effort,” Hasumi predictably snaps. “Kanzaki is putting himself on the line, here – I’m not sure you can even _fathom_ how much-”

“I get it, I get it…” Smiling, Kaoru waves him off. “I gotta go find him now, right? Don’t wanna keep him waiting~”

Hasumi huffs in irritation. “S-see that you don’t!” is the last Kaoru hears before he exits the classroom.

Okay. That’s one tick in the optimism box. If there’s anything Akatsuki can’t be faulted on, it’s loyalty.

Friendship between guys… it’s not so bad, really.

*

It’s stupidly hot outside, and it doesn’t take long for even walking to bring Kaoru to a sweat. He shoves his jacket into his bag and rolls up his sleeves, looking forward to the cool relief the ocean breeze will bring.

Geez – winter isn’t even over yet and already things are heating up fast. It’s startling to be reminded how close graduation has become, and it’s downright shocking to feel the pangs of regret that knowledge brings forth in his stomach.

He’d thought of Souma’s confession as coming out of nowhere, but with Chocolate Fes over and done with, this is right around the time he should be starting to think about Repayment Fes. 

That’s already so much responsibility, and now he’s brought this onto himself as well… he can’t figure out if the guy is a rebellious spirit or just a glutton for punishment.

He was gearing up for a long trek, pounding the sand for as long as it takes as he scans the horizon for a glimpse of blue hair, but when he reaches the seashore Kanata is just there.

He sits at the shoreline, legs straight out in front of him and the water tickling his ankles when the waves come in close. He’s stick straight and rigid, staring out into the blue while a light breeze ruffles his hair.

Kaoru can’t tell what he’s thinking.

As he pads forward, Kanata doesn’t respond.

“How’s the water?”

Kanata shrugs. As Kaoru falls down beside him and goes to take off his shoes, he sees Kanata purse his lips.

“I can’t go out any further. Otherwise I’ll be lost at sea…”

“So that’s not an option right now?” 

Kanata doesn’t seem to get the joke. Kaoru swallows, feeling awkward. “Uh, Souma-kun told me what happened.”

Kanata lets out a long, slow breath.

“…yeaaaaah.” His gaze falls and he pokes a finger into the wet sand, scratching unintelligibly.

“He knew you’d be here. Was totally sure of it, actually.”

“Oh.” Kanata frowns for just a moment. “Mmm… he must have been thinking about that time he found me last spring… that is interesting.”

So it wasn’t some kind of deliberate choice? Kaoru winces. He’d been sorta hoping he was overthinking it and Kanata was just waiting for Souma to come after him, but it doesn’t seem like it. 

“What happened last spring?”

Kanata shrugs. “Just family stuff. I wasn’t sure what to do…”

“Is that why you’re here now, too?”

Kanata nods.

He doesn’t continue immediately and after a moment Kaoru sits back, resting on his arms. It’s still a little while til sunset, and the bright cheery atmosphere is a strange contrast to Kanata’s sombre mood. Behind them, a little kid cries out, dashing past them as a dog gives chase.

“I just… do not understand,” Kanata says finally, his body sagging forward with a scary frailty.

“…understand what, exactly?”

“Why Souma likes me.”

Kaoru blinks. That’s not at all what he expected to hear, but Kanata continues as though the conversation couldn’t have gone any other way.

“He couldn’t explain it, when I asked. But, it just doesn’t make sense to me…” He draws his legs back in toward himself, hunching forward. “He is always going so far for me, even though I am always so mean to him…” he mumbles.

Thoroughly confused, Kaoru responds without thinking. “…maybe he’s into that?”

Instantly, Kanata shoots him a glare that sends shivers down Kaoru’s spine.

“Okay, uh, never mind… bad joke.”

Kanata’s gaze shifts but that sudden anger doesn’t bubble away. “Souma is always trying so, so hard for other people. He is a diligent and obedient child, I know, but when it comes to me, he takes it too far. He does too much for me and I hate it…”

“What? Do you mean like, him cooking for you all the time and whatever?”

“No.” Kanata shakes his head immediately. “I mean like back when he was still a first year, he disobeyed Keito to protect me, even when I didn’t need it.” He huffs, biting his lip. “I know he did that because he thought his family would have wished it, but then when I said I was trying to escape all that, he supported me then, as well… He even looked after the clubroom after I left, and when I came back, he just smiled and said he was happy to see me.”

Kanata bites his lip. “His family would not be happy about this. I have made so many things so much harder for them…”

Okay. Kaoru knows fuck-all about Souma’s family, apparently, which is really hampering his ability to respond to this. Hell, he didn’t even know about that War era stuff.

He really hopes he’s not completely out of his depth, here.

“People have always gone so far for me, and I used to get it, but now I just really really don’t… but Souma is the one I get least of all. After everything that has happened, why would he ‘like’ me…?”

Kaoru purses his lips, heart sinking.

“…okay, well – I can’t explain that for you. And if you were asking Souma to do that, then it’s no surprise he argued with you, because nobody could explain objectively why they like or dislike someone. Feelings just don’t work that way – they’re too unpredictable and we just have to deal with that.”

He eyes Kanata out of the corner of his eye. “But… that’s not the real problem here. ‘Cause if that was your only worry, you’d be telling me about this like ‘wow, I can’t believe he really loves me! I’m so lucky!’”

“I am lucky.” Kanata draws in on himself, and even though it’s the most positive thing he’s said today yet, he’s never looked so defeated. “Too lucky.”

“So what’s the problem, then?”

Kaoru’s just… never seen Kanata look so sad.

For a moment, it looks like Kanata won’t answer. He shuts his mouth tight, gazing away down the beach – not absently, not thoughtfully, but with a deliberate edge, closing the door to Kaoru’s questioning.

But then a large, crashing wave breaks the silence, and as the water’s edge creeps up their soles and ankles, Kanata lets out a long, slow breath.

“…I’m bad for him,” he whispers.

Kaoru blinks rapidly. “How?”

Kanata chuckles, though it’s more of a sigh. “In every possible way, maybe…?”

“…no, I don’t understand. I mean, sure, sometimes you can be kinda harsh, but-”

“I have made things bad between him and his family, because I am trying to break the traditions they hold to and he is supporting me. I – or some emblem of me, which Souma and I will always associate with myself – caused his family to be punished many generations ago, and Souma to this day still suffers the consequences of that. I have caused problems within his unit which he would never have faced if he had not cared about me so much. I have not been a good club captain – I do not teach him as much as he would like, even though I left the club and all of its fishies in his hands for _months_ without any problem. When I was a God, I was not good at that either, to him more so than anyone else. At every turn, whenever Souma encounters me – whenever he is even so much as associated with me – it hurts him. I hold him back and make him worse every time. But still-” Kanata cuts off a breath, eyes pricking. “Still, whenever I try to push him away, he only works even harder.”

Finally he turns, gazing at Kaoru pleadingly.

“If something hurts you, shouldn’t you try to get away from it? People and fishies and gods – nobody likes to be in pain. Why doesn’t he leave me?”

…Kaoru forgets, sometimes, just how much he missed while he was drowning his sorrows in girls and naps.

However much Kanata showed to him that day at the aquarium was surely still only a fraction of what he went through that year.

It hadn’t occurred to him, not really, that Souma was there for all of that, too. On the other side.

Kanata is still staring at him.

“…is that… why you said you were mean to him?” he asks slowly. “You’ve been trying to push him away? Then… maybe you should just, like… stop that?”

He knows it’s not that simple and he hopes it doesn’t come across like he’s calling Kanata an idiot.

Kanata winces, but he doesn’t look offended. “I know,” he mutters. “I… should. But… I always thought that was how he wanted me to act. More like a God… someone distant and scary. Since he would not ever ask me for a wish, I was only able to punish him.”

“You thought he wouldn’t like the real you?”

Kanata grimaces; bullseye. “But, while he was confessing, he said he did not want me to be like that… so, I really don’t get it. What part of me does he even like…? It doesn’t make sense…”

Kaoru’s eyes narrow. “Do you really think that’s all you have to offer? Some kinda weird godly act?” 

He feels a little frustrated – he thought they were past this. And maybe, part of him is a little hurt, too. 

“That’s not how I see it, and I know for a fact that’s not how Souma-kun sees it either. Do you really not think we’ve all become friends, here, at least in some kinda weird way? Haven’t we shared good times together as a club? Not just with everything that happened at the aquarium, but like – at New Year’s. You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy being part of that.”

Ugh, this isn’t about him. Kaoru tries to shake himself back to reality and face it head-on. “Look, if you don’t feel that way about Souma-kun, fine – everyone knew this might end that way. You don’t need to come up with some convoluted reason to justify turning him down. Becuase you’re not bad for him, at all. You’re _friends_. You’ve helped him with idol stuff, with technology, with cooking – and even if he asks for more lessons or complains about me being there, I know he’s loved every moment he’s spent in this club. Honestly, Kanata-kun, you’ve been a great influence on him! Remember what Souma-kun used to be like, when he was really new to Yumenosaki?”

“And yet here he is, now.” 

Kanata’s shoulders are set stubbornly but he doesn’t look angry. He honestly still just looks resigned. Kaoru swallows thickly; why does the helpless line of Kanata’s body make him so nervous? “I told him to keep being a good kid and the world will be kind to him. But he’s trying to do something so risky… I don’t know why he can’t just be an idol like he always wanted. It’s my fault.”

“Souma made his decision.” Kaoru realises he’s raising his voice and restrains himself, gritting his teeth. But after a moment to collect himself he continues without hesitation. “He thought it all the way through, from every possible angle. He approached his sempais about it and came out with their approval. He even stood his ground and put up with me of all people lecturing him. And throughout all of that, the only thing that made him doubt even for a second was thinking he’d hurt you. Kanata-kun, he’s not a kid anymore. He’s older than you were when you first met. He can make his own decisions, and this is what he’s decided. You can’t take that away from him. All you can do is respond.”

He rallies, levelling Kanata the most piercing gaze he’s capable of. “Souma-kun’s made it clear what he wants. What do you want, Kanata-kun?”

Kanata remains silent.

As another in a countless line of waves muddles forward towards them, Kanata reaches out for it, but it falls back too soon. The wind, suddenly cold, pushes his hair into his face, and when it falls back, Kanata’s expression hasn’t changed at all.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I can’t.”

Kaoru sucks in a deep breath.

Kanata speaks almost too quietly to hear.

“I cannot do that to him. I cannot… put him through that. I could not bear it.”

Still breathless and speechless, Kaoru stares.

“…wh-what?” he finally lets out.

“I cannot allow Souma to put himself in danger for my sake any longer.” Kanata’s head shakes dully, the only movement his still body allows. “Kaoru… I am so, so tired of being the one to hurt him…” He closes his eyes, just for a moment. “Souma… truly loves idols. It is the only thing he has ever pursued for his own happiness. I cannot take that away from him, after so much else… no matter what that means.”

“So breaking his heart isn’t hurting him?” Kaoru asks, far too loudly.

Kanata flinches.

Kaoru’s heart is racing. He’s stupidly, ridiculously invested in this – it’s insane that Kanata hasn’t told him to fuck off and mind his own business already, and Kaoru knows he’d deserve it. But he is downright furious and he refuses, for anything in the world, to let this conversation stand where Kanata is trying to leave it.

“You’ll be hurting him either way. That’s not something you can change. Sorry, Kanata-kun, but that’s just how life is – it hurts.”

Finally. Kanata’s lip curls; he’s irritated. It’s a feeling – some kind of passion or desire pushed out into the world. Kaoru leaps on it.

“As I said – I cannot be the one to hurt him.”

“So basically, you just don’t wanna take responsibility.” Again, Kanata flinches, but Kaoru doesn’t hold back. “It’s not about how _he_ feels, you just don’t wanna have to be the one to make a call.” He laughs mirthlessly. “That’s just sad, and cowardly as hell. Souma put himself on the line for you and you can’t even face him like a man. You’re just running away and hoping Souma will fix himself without you.”

Fuck. He’s projecting here and he knows it, and he knows Kanata knows it, too.

“…yeah,” Kanata says finally, locking eyes with Kaoru for the first time in minutes. “I am a coward. It’s still better this way.”

Kanata lets that sit for just a moment before asking.

“So, why are _you_ telling me all of this?”

Kaoru wants to laugh. This is so fucking stupid, and Kanata is being unbelievably frustrating, and it’s terrifying to realise how much of Souma’s future really might end up resting on what Kaoru says here today.

But there’s something Kanata doesn’t know.

He and Kanata? They’re not the same.

“Yeah…Souma-kun asked me that same question.” Kaoru leans back in exaggerated casualness, enjoying Kanata’s glare of confusion. “I didn’t tell him the full reason, though. It wasn’t really the right time, y’know? He was seriously panicking, for real. It’d be pretty shitty to suddenly go on about my problems.”

Kanata’s eyes are still narrowed.

Kaoru takes in a deep breath and swallows. This really isn’t easy for him to talk about. It actually really fucking matters to him. But that’s exactly why he needs to say it now.

“I’m in love with Anzu,” he says, as steadily as he can.

Kanata blinks, eyes instantly growing wide.

Kaoru nods, confirming again what Kanata is no doubt asking in his head. “I realised it a couple months ago, around Starfes. You remember there was that whole thing with Sakuma-san – or, did you hear about that?”

“…I am not sure,” Kanata says slowly. “You were very worried about something…”

“Mm, yeah.” Kaoru tries to cobble up a summary but then gives up. “It doesn’t matter. The point is that Sakuma-san wanted me to decide once and for all whether I wanted to keep going after girls and living a carefree life, or make the commitment to being an idol.”

Kanata is looking down at his lap again. “So…”

“Well, I was kinda upset for a long time, and thought about stuff a lot… man, I spent more time thinking about myself than I have in my whole life. It’s not fun. Don’t recommend.”

Kanata looks a little irritated again, but this is Kaoru’s story – he can tell it how he likes.

“And at the end of it all, I realised… I didn’t want either of those things.” He lets out a breath, and for a moment, forgets about Kanata. “I mean, that’s not quite true – yeah, I do want both of those things. But what I wanted even more was to be with Anzu-chan.”

“And you’re going to tell her,” Kanata murmurs quietly. “Before you graduate.”

Kaoru chuckles dryly. That hurts, that sorta faith in him.

“Uh, no. I already did.”

It takes a full second for Kanata to process and then he just shoots up to stare at him, face-on.

“What? When?”

It’s a rare joy to see Kanata so unreservedly shocked. If it helps to soothe the pain of these bad memories Kaoru will take it.

“Around Starfes, like I said.” He has to swallow for a moment, throat thick, and takes the moment to shrug. “Well, I don’t need to tell you how she responded.”

Kanata looks really, deeply sympathetic – so much so that Kaoru kinda regrets not telling him before now.

“I am sorry to hear that…” he says, entirely earnest.

Kaoru nods again. “Yeah. Hurt like hell.”

Kanata curls in his legs, turning towards Kaoru. Maybe it’s kinda uncool for Kaoru to take advantage of his sympathy like this, but Kaoru believes this. Right down to his heart.

“But you know what?” He shoots Kanata a smile – determined, but not grim. “I’m gonna wait for her. She’s not ready for me yet, and she’s made it pretty clear she wouldn’t give up her producing for anyone. I respect that. But it’s not always going to be that way. She’ll keep producing, and all the while she’ll keep growing and changing, and I’ll keep growing and changing, and someday we’ll become people who can fall in love with each another. I really believe that.

“Because she’s important to me. Because I want to make sure she’s happy. And I’ll never stop wanting that. I could be wrong, right here – maybe she’ll never be able to love me the way I love her. But I wouldn’t regret a single moment, because it was worth it just to love her.”

He turns too, now, in front of Kanata face to face, more honest than he’s ever been with him. “And she changed me, because the old me would’ve never done something like this. I would’ve just sat back and given up on her when it got too hard – or I would’ve said I gave up, and tried to convince myself I wasn’t miserable. But because of her, I really tried, and I stuck to it, and I want to keep doing that.

“And that’s why I couldn’t just sit back here, either. Because I can’t change how Anzu-chan feels, but I might be able to help you, and if there’s any chance at all that you and Souma-kun can be together, that’s _amazing!_ And Souma-kun knows this stuff, too – all because of you! You say you’re bad for him, or held him back? Kanata-kun, you inspired him! Because of you, he stood up to his seniors and his parents, like you said, and didn’t give up because this is what he wants. He put himself out there, let himself be completely and utterly honest, all so he could confess – and whatever thing he did that he thinks was so inappropriate that was probably totally fine, but-”

“He kissed me.”

The words tumble over and tangle up in Kaoru’s mouth.

“Wh – I’m sorry, what?”

Kanata hides his face behind his hand. Kaoru blinks, the syllables still ringing in his head without meaning, but when Kanata’s nose scrunches, he realises that Kanata is smiling, coy and amused and _delighted._

“Souma kissed me,” he says again, quietly and slowly, with all the precise enunciation of a magical spell.

Kaoru’s brain stops, then restarts, but without words. His jaw drops.

“He kissed you?”

Kanata snorts, shoulders shaking. Kaoru’s still so very confused, and yet – isn’t this exactly the point he was trying to make?

“Yes,” Kanata says with pride. “He got all upset with me because I kept asking him questions and doubting him, so he got really stubborn and kept arguing back, and eventually he just got this suuuuuuuper serious face, like-” Kanata pulls a startlingly accurate impression, “-and then… he kissed me.”

Kaoru leans back, staring up at the now gold-lit sky. There’s only one thing he can say now. “Holy shit.”

Kanata can’t stop giggling. It is really, actually, fucking hilarious, after everything Souma has ever said to Kaoru – but at the same time, Kaoru can see _exactly_ how it must have happened.

He rubs a hand over his eyes. “ _Man,_ that guy is a handful. Do I need to go talk to him sometime…?”

“He is!” As he hugs his legs to his chest like this is a sleepover and he’s breaking Kaoru the latest news about his crush, he’s smiling so, so widely. “But, I actually really reaaaally love that side of him…! When we first met, I thought he was sooo serious and boring, and only wanted to follow the rules. But he actually feels things more strongly than anyone I know…!”

“Yeah, I know what you mean!” Fuck it. Kaoru gets comfortable, too, because why even hold back at this point? “He looks like he should be totally stiff and cold, but he’s actually scarily intense, if that makes sense? But like, not always in a bad way. He’s ridiculously, _stupidly_ sincere. He just cares a lot.”

“Too much…!” Kanata agrees, a hand held tightly against his chest. “But I do like that, too… he cares for the fishies so very much, and he is so gentle with them. He is such a sweet and loving boy…!”

Kaoru snorts, and how could he even pretend to shy away from Kanata’s squealing when he’s obviously so overjoyed? “Man, though… I wasn’t kidding when I said he’d changed. If you think about it, doesn’t it kiiiiinda feel like he used to be a really obedient good kid, but the two of us bad kids have made him one of us, or something…?”

“Ahaha, I do not think you are a bad kid though, Kaoru!” Kanata’s eyes sparkle with sincerity. “You and Souma are both good!”

Kaoru huffs, rolling his eyes.

A cool wind ruffles their hair again and Kaoru shivers. As he retrieves his jacket from his bag, he ponders the one last question he still has to ask.

“…so, Kanata-kun-”

Kanata groans, suddenly dropping to the sand beside Kaoru with a thump.

“Uh, are you okay?” he asks as Kanata covers his face again.

“Yeah~…” Kanata moans out. “It’s just… him kissing me really made everything so different…”

Kaoru nods, understanding. “I can see why.”

“Before then, I really didn’t get it at all… None of it made any sense to me… but.” Kanata’s hands curl into fists and then release. “If you ask me what I want, then… I want… him to kiss me again.”

Thank fucking God.

Kaoru relaxes instantly, letting himself fall back and propping himself up on the sand with one elbow. The sky glows brilliantly above them, one or two small stars just beginning to flicker through, and the ocean washes in and out ever on.

“I do not think I love him just as much as he loves me, yet…” Kanata admits, hands falling away to reveal a thoughtful expression. “But… I really, really like him. And I want to do the same things he wants to do. I think… I have already fallen for him a lot already.”

“That’s really great,” Kaoru says with feeling. “Man… seriously, congrats. Being in love like that…” He shakes his head. “It’s only gonna get better from here.”

Still, though. Kanata’s smile flickers back into something a little sad.

“…I will speak to Chiaki,” he says, chest rising and falling in time. “I… do not want this to impact the children, if anything ever happens…”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“…I feel bad, but.” The smile still hasn’t quite disappeared. “I am also really, really excited…!”

Kaoru snorts. “Yeah, there’d be no point if you weren’t excited. Oh, also, by the way – I’m happy to leave the clubroom to you guys if you wanna take advantage, before graduation. Honestly, the atmosphere is really nice in there. Super romantic~!”

Kanata grumbles with dissatisfaction. “I do not wish to kick you out, Kaoru – the clubroom belongs to all of us…”

“Hey – if you’re gonna be kissing him, you’re gonna need a place to do it.”

The tips of Kanata’s lips twitch. “…well… I am also verrrry curious about what Souma would do, if we were alone together in there now…”

Kaoru laughs. “God. For all he puts on that pure act, at the end of it all, he’s still a guy, I guess. And men are wolves – remember that, Kanata-kun.”

Kanata turns to him, attention shifting. “Thank you for helping me today. I know that you only like girls, and think that these things between boys are gross.”

The complete lack of negative judgement – which Kaoru would totally deserve, honestly – just makes him feel worse.

“No, nah, look,” he scrambles. “It’s not – it’s definitely not my thing, obviously. Like, it’s important that other people know that. But.” He shakes his head. “But, well… hearts in love, they all ring out in the same tone, or something – right…?”

He coughs, embarrassed suddenly by his own sappiness.

“But, man – I’m soooo jealous of you, for real! You guys will be able to do all kinds of really cute coupley things together now, all cuddly and lovey-dovey together! And honestly, you might even get away with a date now and then since you’re both guys so people’d be less likely to think you’re a couple…! Man.” He sighs, frustration unfeigned. “I wanna be able to go on a hot date with Anzu-chan, for real…!”

Kanata giggles again. “Yeah~” he agrees happily. “I wonder if Souma will let me hold his hand when we go around the aquarium…!”

Kaoru snorts. “Yeah, I guess fancy date spots aren’t really you two’s style. You could probably just keep going to that place every week and you’d be head over heels, right?”

Kanata nods, aqua hair lit up shining and translucent in the light of the sunset.

“I really am,” he says with unbelievable relish, “so happy to have such a wonderful junior…!”

*

The next day, Kaoru gets to school early.

Honestly, that isn’t even all that rare for him, now. Partly out of pure, simple self-preservation – Yumenosaki ain’t exactly a tough school, but students need to do at least the bare minimum to pass, and based on his grades he’s gonna actually need to get some studying in before Repayfes takes over.

But he’s also just really happy. 

He doesn’t stop at the clubroom – if those guys are meeting up in there, it’ll be because something’s going down. He’s not actually sure if Kanata met up with him that evening or managed to reach him on the phone or is just going to show up today and reveal all. Kaoru sent Souma a text that night letting him know to expect good news at least, but he never got a response. Never any way to tell if Souma didn’t see fit to give one or just left his phone dead the whole time.

He finds Kanata in the classroom next door, Sakuma and Hibiki crowded around like a group of teenage girls and Kiryuu sitting behind with the most intense look of concentration Kaoru’s ever seen the big guy wear. But before he can speak up he gets an answer to his question in the form of briskly walking second-year heading right this way.

Souma’s head is held high, eyes glittering beneath those constantly-terrifying eyebrows, and in his hands is held the biggest bento Kaoru’s ever seen.

Kaoru is spotted a moment later and Souma smiles even wider, diverting towards him without hesitation.

“Hakaze-dono! I was planning to approach you at lunch. I once again restate how fantastically, impossibly grateful I am for your aid…!” He glances down at the box in his hand and then laughs in realisation. “Apologies – I ought to have prepared a gift for yourself as well! However, this morning, I could only think…” He trails off, bouncing up and down on his soles.

“Yeah, yeah.” Kaoru waves a hand, grinning ear to ear. “C’mon – you’re gonna make Kanata-kun jealous. You should save your cooking for him, now.”

Souma frowns, but with affection. “I shall not heed you. The only reason I am able to claim such standing with Buchou-dono-” and man, it really is adorable how he has to take a moment to tamp down his smile before he can keep going, “-is that you went above and beyond for my sake. I owe you a life debt that I intend to repay it – cooking is the absolute least I can do!”

“I really don’t want any kind of payment… but, whatever. I can tell I’m not gonna talk you out of it.” He definitely knows what Kanata means about him caring too much. “I’m just happy you’re happy.”

Souma stares at him for a moment before tilting his head somewhat in a strange motion of understanding, eyes glittering warmly.

“You have my gratitude,” he says. “I admit – I am greatly pleased to see that you have become more honest than you once were. And I am joyed to know that those are, indeed, your true feelings.”

…okay, no, Kaoru might’ve gone on that whole weird adventure with Kanata that he’s never gonna retell accurately if anyone asks (not that he regrets it, either), but he’s not gonna stand here and be made fun of.

“…maybe you’re right. Apparently, the two of us aren’t quite as different as you always made us out to be, huh… Souma-kyun~”

Souma blinks.

“Which is to say…” Kaoru leans in, voice going low. “Just a word of warning, but… it’s kind of a bad move to kiss someone you’re not already dating. No matter how thick-headed they’re being.”

Souma flinches, and in an instant he’s pressed up against the opposite wall, cheeks blazing.

Kaoru raises his eyebrows. “Don’t you agree?”

“I,” Souma says with such volume and vehemence that Kaoru really wishes he could see inside Kanata’s classroom right now, “CANNOT ARGUE WITH THAT…”

As he struggles not to burst into laughter, Kaoru waves towards the door. “Great! Glad we got that all settled, then~. Are you ready to take your present in, now?”

Souma glares, feet shuffling. “I-I cannot… you have driven me to such embarrassment…”

Well, okay.

Kaoru sticks his head in. “Kanata-kun! I’ve got someone here for you~!”

Leaning back, he winks at Souma.

Souma looks terrified. But the moment he hears that loud, overjoyed “Souma!” Kaoru’s pretty sure he’s forgotten Kaoru ever existed.

He can’t help chuckling to himself as he enters his own classroom, dropping his books onto his table with a flourish.

At the front of the classroom, as always, stands the vice president. There are some words written on the board, left in a permanently half-finished state judging by the piece of chalk lying forgotten in Hasumi’s tightly clenched right hand.

He’s staring at Kaoru, now, apprehensive.

Kaoru shoots him a thumbs up.

Hasumi glares, which doesn’t tell Kaoru anything. But finally, he turns back to the board, though the chalk never rises any further. His shoulders slump visibly.

That’s it, huh.

As Kaoru leans back, he can’t help but wonder again the same question he’d pondered here less than twenty four hours before – is there even any kind of happy ending they could recognise possible out of a relationship like this? He’d said Kanata and Souma might find things easier than if one of them was a girl, but that’s hardly a big improvement. And if things go wrong, they really could go horribly, catastrophically badly.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Souma again, ponytail bouncing and hands free.

To Kaoru’s surprise he enters his classroom, walking straight past Hasumi to make a beeline for Kaoru.

“Hakaze-dono,” he says, joy and relief fading for a moment into a serious gaze. “When I return to my classroom, I shall relate to Anzu-dono that you helped me yesterday.”

Kaoru stares.

“Uh,” he says, abruptly tongue-tied. Did Kanata tell him everything he said? Is he going to tell Anzu all of that? “Wait, Souma-kun-”

But Souma just huffs in satisfaction – did he confirm his suspicions just now, maybe? And then turns, walking out of the classroom with the same certainty and pride he’d exuded all morning.

Kaoru’s hand falls to his desk.

Christ. Looking out of the window beside him, Kaoru can only shake his head. This is all so ridiculously, incredibly funny. Before coming here, he’d never in his life have believed idols could lead such complicated lives.

He’s so happy he came here, he thinks.

In just two months, they’ll be graduating, and Kanata and Souma will lose this little sanctuary they’ve found themselves in. Kaoru can only guess at what kinda crazy world will meet them out there.

But Kaoru will be there, too. And Akatsuki, and surely Ryuuseitai soon.

Because for him, it was never about just sitting back and twiddling his fingers until Anzu loves him. He’s gotta work hard to become a man worthy of her. He still doesn’t know what kind of man that is. But he has changed, too.

Souma, Kanata, and himself… they’re all getting better. As waves crash all around them, they’re pulling themselves ever further forward, closer and closer towards the horizon.


End file.
